Avoidant behaviour in children is often misunderstood. When a child refuses to go to a party, avoids speaking in class, or is reluctant to try something new, parents may assume they’re just shy or not ready. However, avoidance can have serious long-term effects—not just on mental health, but potentially on longevity itself.
The Link Between Avoidance and Lifespan
It is well known that chronic stress and anxiety are linked to increased health risks, including heart disease, weakened immune function, and a shorter lifespan. Avoidance reinforces fear, meaning children who habitually escape anxiety-provoking situations never develop the resilience needed to cope with challenges. Over time, this can lead to higher stress levels, reduced confidence, and a greater likelihood of developing anxiety disorders, depression, and even physical health problems later in life.
We are witnessing an unprecedented rise in childhood anxiety. Social media pressures, academic expectations, and an ever-increasing focus on performance can make life overwhelming for young minds. Unfortunately, avoidance has become a default coping mechanism, further entrenching anxiety instead of alleviating it. Many children today choose to withdraw from the world by spending excessive time in their rooms on devices rather than engaging in social activities. Unlike previous generations who spent their free time outdoors with friends, riding bikes, or playing in parks, today’s children are more likely to connect with others through screens, which can reinforce isolation rather than build real-world social confidence. Parents may also notice their children refusing to participate in school activities, avoiding face-to-face interactions, resisting trying new experiences, or struggling to cope with situations that require direct social engagement.
The Power of Exposure: Teaching Children to Face Their Fears
Avoidance strengthens fear, while gradual exposure weakens it. This is one of the most fundamental principles of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy. By helping children face their fears in a safe and structured way, we allow their nervous system to adapt, reducing their fear response over time.
Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy is particularly effective in treating children and teens with anxiety, as it combines exposure therapy with relaxation techniques and subconscious reprogramming. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which relies on logic and rational thought (often difficult for anxious children), hypnotherapy works at a deeper level, allowing children to rehearse success and build resilience within the safety of their own minds.
How Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy Helps Children Break Free from Fear
- Guided Visualisation in Hypnosis – A child can imagine successfully facing their fear while in a deeply relaxed, hypnotic state. For example, if they fear public speaking, they can visualise themselves confidently standing in front of their class, feeling calm and in control.
- Reframing Negative Thoughts – Children are guided to change the way they interpret fear-provoking situations. Instead of thinking, “Everyone will laugh at me,” they learn to replace it with, “I can do this, and I will be okay.”
- Managing the Fight-or-Flight Response – Many children don’t know how to regulate their own nervous system. Hypnotherapy teaches simple but powerful relaxation techniques—like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and anchoring calm feelings—that allow them to stay in control when fear arises.
- Small, Safe Steps Towards Exposure – Exposure doesn’t mean throwing a child into their worst nightmare. Instead, they are gradually introduced to their fear in a controlled way. If a child is terrified of dogs, the process might start with looking at pictures, then watching videos, then standing at a distance from a calm dog, and eventually touching one when they’re ready.
The Long-Term Benefits of Facing Fear
When children learn to tolerate discomfort and overcome fears, they develop emotional resilience, which extends into adulthood. They become more confident, adaptable, and less prone to stress-related illnesses. They also gain the self-belief needed to take on life’s challenges, whether it’s making new friends, applying for jobs, or handling failure.
Avoidance shrinks a child’s world. Facing fear expands it.
If we want to raise mentally strong, emotionally balanced children, we must help them lean into discomfort rather than run from it. Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy offers a gentle yet powerful way to support children and teens through this process, helping them build courage and confidence that lasts a lifetime.
By teaching our children how to face their fears now, we are giving them the gift of a healthier, happier, and potentially longer life. And isn’t that what every parent wants?
Rachel Bernard is a Cognitive Hypnotherapist located in Henley. For more info visit www.seedwellness.co.uk/rachelbernard
