One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. One in six couples will struggle to conceive. Chances are, someone in your life is carrying this grief quietly. As a friend, mother, or colleague, knowing how to support them can make all the difference.
Trying to conceive long-term can impact every aspect of life – body, mind, relationships, career, finances, and self-esteem. Because many choose not to share openly, sensitivity and compassion are essential.
What Happens After Miscarriage
Miscarriage is not only an emotional loss – it’s also a physical process. Pregnancy hormones can remain in the body for weeks, leaving her in a swirl of grief, exhaustion, and physical shock. She may be experiencing cramping, bleeding, or even undergoing medical procedures to complete the miscarriage.
On the outside, she may feel pressure to “get back to normal.” But on the inside, she may need time off work, space in her relationships, and more understanding than the world usually offers.
This hidden weight is why your support matters so deeply.
What Not to Say After Miscarriage
Sometimes, the words meant to comfort can unintentionally hurt. Here are common phrases to avoid:
- “At least you know you can get pregnant.”
This diminishes the pregnancy that could have been. Conceiving and staying pregnant are two very different realities. For those who experience recurrent miscarriage, this phrase can feel especially hollow. - “At least it was early.”
Grief has no timeline. For many, an early loss feels devastating, especially after years of trying. What’s lost is not only a pregnancy, but also hopes and dreams. - “Maybe God/life is punishing you.”
You may be surprised by the amount of women that have told me that their friends/family/community have actually said this to them. Adding blame and guilt to an already emotionally charged situation is not helpful. Miscarriage is heartbreakingly common, and in most cases, no cause is ever known. - “Stay positive.”
I named my business Embrace Fertility as it is extremely important that we embrace all of the emotions we feel while going through infertility or loss. Saying to someone who is grieving that they should stay positive can create disconnection and leave them feeling more alone than ever. - “Babies are hard work.”
A thousand nos. The person who has experienced a miscarriage may have mixed emotions depending on whether they were actively trying to get pregnant or not. It is not your place to comment on whether or not you think they should or are ready to become a parent.
What to Say to Someone After Miscarriage
Your words carry power. Choose ones that affirm, acknowledge, and offer practical support:
- “Thank you for confiding in me. How can I support you during this time? What do you need physically? Practically? Emotionally? Shall I bring you a pot roast?”
- If you have children yourself: “If being around children or my baby feels triggering, I understand. We can spend time just the two of us.”
- “I’m here for you, whether you want to talk, cry, or just be distracted for a while.”
- “I came across a helpful article on miscarriage support – would you like me to share it?” and you could pass on this article on Coping with Miscarriage.
https://www.embracefertility.co.uk/blog/miscarriage
How to Support Beyond Words
Practical tools can also make a difference:
- Mindfulness helps reduce stress and anchor in the present.
- Hypnosis can support both physical and emotional recovery.
- Journaling and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping) can help process grief, guilt, and trauma.
For guided resources and to download the free mind-body app, which includes guided tutorials visit Embrace Fertility https://www.embracefertility.co.uk/
Final Thought
Supporting someone through fertility struggles and miscarriage is less about saying the perfect thing, and more about being willing to stand with them – in grief, in silence, in hope. Your presence matters more than you may ever realize.
By Naomi Woolfson of Embrace Fertility, Seed’s Fertility, Pregnancy and Birth Hypnotherapist – www.seedwellness.co.uk/naomiwoolfson
