Grief is something that we will all experience at some point in our lives and yet it affects everyone in a unique and deeply personal way. When someone experiences loss, whether that is the death of a loved one, a relationship break-up or any major life change, their emotional state can have a significant impact on some or all of their relationships and this in turn can lead to feelings of vulnerability, confusion and even a sense of loneliness.
At times, individuals need stronger security to help stabilise their emotions and start the healing process and yet those around them may not always understand this need or may be grieving themselves so have needs of their own.
Communication Challenges
Effective communication is key to maintaining healthy relationships. However, grief can significantly impact the communication between couples and in families. Those who are grieving may find it difficult to express their feelings leading to misunderstandings and even conflict. Some people withdraw or shut down emotionally, whereas others may have strong emotional reactions leading to anger or depression which can be very hard for those close to them to deal with.
Emotional Connection
When someone is grieving, they can be overwhelmed by feelings such as sadness, guilt, anger and confusion. Also grief can bring up unresolved emotions and issues within a relationship. The stress and intensity of feeling brought on by their grief can highlight or intensify problems that already exist in the relationship. In couples this can lead to feelings of isolation and detachment as they struggle to navigate their loss, and in families grief can upset their dynamic and disrupt the established routines, leading to frustration, tension and conflict.
Role Changes and Expectations
Grief often brings about changes in roles and expectations within families. For example when one parent dies the surviving parent may struggle to adjust to their new role of single parent which can put a strain on relationships with other family members. This change in dynamic will affect how the family interact with each other and expectations may develop which may create tension and conflict.. It is so important that everyone takes the time to understand what it is that each other need and want and find ways to re-negotiate what the new terms of their relationship should be.
Coping Mechanisms
When someone is grieving they need the comfort and support of family and friends. However, this can also put immense strain on these support systems. Partners may struggle to provide the necessary support to each other if they are also grieving or if their coping styles differ. Sometimes it might feel easier to turn to friends or extended family members for support, which can then be misunderstood by those close to them and lead to feelings of hurt or abandonment.
Resilience and Growth
Even though grief does present challenges to relationships, it can also lead to resilience and growth. Couples who can navigate their grief together often become stronger and more connected than before. Families that openly communicate their feelings and take the time to listen, understand and support each other can strengthen their bonds and develop greater resilience for the future.
Grief is a natural process but has a significant emotional and physical impact on anyone who is experiencing it. It is also a very personal journey – its impact, timing and stages are individual to each person and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Sometimes we can work through our grief with the help of family and friends and sometimes some outside help is needed. Counselling can be a valuable resource for couples and families dealing with grief by offering a safe space to navigate their feelings, facilitate communication and strengthen their relationships whilst learning to cope with their loss in a healthy way.
Caroline Chambers is a Relationships and Family Counsellor working from her private clinic in Beaconsfield as well as online. For more information visit www.seedwellness.co.uk/carolinechambers
