As stats show, anxiety among children and young people is rife. But what if anxiety isn’t the enemy or something to fight and is instead a message from the part of the mind that’s trying to keep a child safe?
Behind every worry, tummy ache or tearful outburst is a subconscious doing its best to protect, not misbehave. It’s the part of the brain that learns from experience and repetition — not logic — and for more and more children these days, that part has become confused and overworked.
I see children who are suddenly frightened of things I’m sure we used to love — playing sport, going to school, seeing friends, sleeping, even eating. Childhood no longer feels carefree for so many of them; their minds are on high alert, constantly scanning for danger that isn’t really there.
It’s not a lack of confidence or character — it’s their subconscious sending a simple message: “Something doesn’t feel safe.”
The Subconscious Mind — the Hidden Driver of Behaviour
The subconscious mind quietly shapes how children think, feel and respond. It learns through repetition, patterns and emotion — and it listens closely to the words we say, especially the ones we repeat inside our heads.
When a child’s day feels predictable, loving and connected, their subconscious learns that the world is manageable. But when life feels rushed, uncertain or full of comparison, it begins to think, “I’d better stay on guard.”
Children don’t have the filters adults do, so their subconscious absorbs everything — our pace, our tone, our worries, our screens. Over time, those tiny signals add up, shaping how safe or unsafe the world feels inside their mind. That’s why anxiety can appear suddenly, even when “nothing’s wrong.” The subconscious is simply trying to protect them from a world that feels too much.
Why So Many Children Feel On Edge
Childhood has changed quietly but dramatically in a single generation. There are a few reasons I believe we’re seeing such a rise in anxiety:
- Devices and Disconnection
Screens have changed the rhythm of daily life. Children now spend more time communicating through messages than through faces. Online, everything happens faster and without the small moments that build confidence — the pauses, the eye contact, the laughter, the repair. Without those, the subconscious misses vital lessons in empathy and emotional safety.
During my years teaching, I began to notice a shift. Many children were starting school with delayed communication skills, limited vocabulary, and less confidence in social play. It seemed less about parenting choices and more about how modern life had changed for all of us.
Busy households, constant devices, and less unstructured time together meant fewer opportunities for real conversation and shared attention. Those small moments of connection — chatting, playing, waiting, laughing — are where the brain learns to listen, respond and build trust. Without them, it’s easy for the subconscious to start feeling less sure of people and more reliant on screens for comfort.
- Fewer Chances for Unstructured Play
When we were young, play meant freedom: hours outside, sorting things out with friends, climbing too high, and learning how to come down again. Those messy, wonderful moments taught the subconscious how to recover from stress.
Today, childhood is more scheduled, supervised and screen-based. Without that natural rehearsal for bravery, the inner safety system never really gets to practise recovery.
- Over-protection
Modern parenting is full of love and care, but also a lot of fear. We want to keep our children safe — yet sometimes, in protecting them from every wobble, we accidentally teach them to avoid discomfort.
A child who never gets to feel nervous and succeed anyway misses the experience that tells the subconscious, “I can handle this.”Put all of this together, and you have a generation of children whose subconscious minds are overstimulated and under-stretched.
Helping the Subconscious Learn Through Routine, Risk and Recovery
True safety isn’t about removing all challenge — it’s about giving children a solid base from which to stretch and explore. The subconscious learns best when life feels steady but not static — when there’s rhythm, connection, and small opportunities to practise bravery.
- Build simple, predictable routines
Calm mornings, unhurried meals and gentle bedtimes tell the subconscious, “Life is stable; you can exhale.” Routine isn’t rigid — it’s reassuring.
- Encourage small steps of bravery
Confidence grows through tiny acts of courage. Let children order their own food, ask questions or try something new. Every time they take a risk and survive it, the subconscious records, “I can do hard things.”
- Allow wobble and recovery
When a child struggles, stay nearby but don’t rush to fix it. Support them as they ride the wave and calm themselves again. That moment of recovery is where resilience is built — and where important learning happens too.
When children gently experience the natural consequences of their choices — like forgetting homework, being late, or saying something unkind — they learn how actions shape outcomes. With calm guidance rather than punishment, those moments become powerful life lessons. The subconscious learns not just “I can cope,” but also “I can repair and try again.”
4. Keep connection at the heart
Children need to feel seen, heard and understood — especially at the end of the day, when the world finally slows down. Those few minutes after everything is done — the homework, the screens, the rushing — are golden. That’s when stories spill out, worries surface, and repair can happen.
A calm voice, gentle humour, or a quiet hug in that moment teaches the subconscious far more about safety and love than any lecture ever could. It says, “You’re safe now. We’re okay.”
How Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy Helps
Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy brings all of this together — calm body, steady breath, positive inner language, and gentle exposure to fear in the imagination. In hypnosis, children can safely rehearse confidence before they need it. They might imagine walking into school calmly or taking a penalty shot with ease. What’s remarkable is that the mind doesn’t clearly distinguish between imagined and actual experience — so every time a child imagines coping well, the brain records it as a real success.
The subconscious experiences calm and confidence first in the mind — and the body learns to follow. It’s not about control or persuasion. It’s about giving the subconscious new evidence: “I can try. I can cope. I can recover.”
Why Acting Early Matters
Anxiety patterns settle in quickly. In CBT we talk about short- and long-term consequences: avoiding what feels scary brings short-term relief but creates long-term cost. The momentary comfort of “not having to face it” teaches the brain that avoidance works — and that belief grows stronger each time.
The longer a child avoids what worries them, the more powerful that avoidance loop becomes, and the harder it is to unlearn later. That’s why early help matters. When we teach children to face small fears now, we prevent anxiety from taking root as their default way of coping. We can’t promise our children a life without worry. But we can teach them to meet worry with calm, curiosity and courage — before it becomes something bigger.
A Final Thought
Anxiety isn’t a flaw. It’s a message from a subconscious that’s trying to help, but has forgotten how to rest. When we give children structure, connection and small chances to stretch, their minds relearn that the world is safe enough to explore. Because beneath every anxious behaviour is a child quietly saying,“I just want to feel safe.”
And when they do, confidence, independence and joy follow — naturally.
